Here's just a question that I would like to pose. If you feel like sharing, please do. I'm writing a story about two people who are linked in grief, kind of a macabre love story. What I want to know is how men process grief. I don't know many grieving men. My brother-in-law finds solace in religion. I do not. But he's still wonderful, it's just what helps him and what he wants to do to help the world. We all have our differences of opinion, don't we? I remember when I posted the last post, there were many comments from women on my Facebook page, but none from men. I've known men that have written beautiful songs about grieving, but I really want to know - are there male writers out there who have tackled this subject? I know that it's difficult. The loss of a parent, loved one, friend, or a spouse is very traumatizing. Perhaps my issue is that I got a few minutes with a box in a room to yell at my husband after death, and I really don't have a cemetery plot to visit. Does that help? Does anything help?
Do men talk to their dead loved ones? I know that my son used to talk to his father and call him the man in the moon. In fact, he's quite angry now that he says he can't talk to his father anymore. Is that because you grow up and as a man you have a switch that turns off any outward emotion? I don't think that's healthy. Here is a call to all evolved men. Please answer it. I think it will help you. We are all here to help one another, you see. Also, if you are a woman and feel that you need to get out your grief, by all means, please do so here. If anyone understands it, and wants to help you, it is me.
I find a lot of the time I have to isolate myself from everyone to grieve. I hate it when people see me cry, I find it very embarrassing, and only cry around people when I really, really, really have to. First of all, I have to cry and let things out, then I have to suppress the anger that comes out, or else I'll break something or start banging at the walls like a gorilla in a cage. As far as I know, from the parent I've lost, I can't talk to him because I don't feel his presence, and that's because he's dead, he's not in some paradise, not in purgatory, not in Hell, he's DEAD. There is nothing I can do about it. I guess after all of these years of pain and grief, I can only make the best of things. I am a male, and I can't exactly speak for everyone in my gender, but that's just how I perceive things.
ReplyDeleteThank you for posting that. It's very honest. In your case, I can understand the anger too. But the rest are completely normal emotions to feel. You shouldn't be ashamed to cry over a missing loved one, I guess is what I'm trying to say. Even women try to cry privately, so that's normal, too.
ReplyDeleteFirst off 'G' Ms. Solitaire is right you don't need to be ashamed tears are healthy and although many of us, me included do not like to cry in the front of others it is not a weakness to do so.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I can't speak for the male population I do feel that 'G' has expressed a major aspect of male grieving. From observing the males in my large family I can say that most of them tend to isolate their feelings, hiding their grief and throwing themselves into other aspects of their life to cope with the loss. Maybe you could contact a mental health therapist and pose this question to them.