Here's what few people know, unless of course, they've read 'Practical Mourning' on All Voices...I am a widow.  Because of that fact, I find it very hard to move on.  Is it because there's not a great caliber of men out there?  I do not think so, at least I hope not, for all the single women out there.  The reason that I find it so hard to move on is my husband, himself.  He acted Irish, but according to his mother was truly German.  That explains the temper!  He was the kind of person that would cover the entire wall with art from the spaghetti scene from Disney's "Lady and the Tramp", merely because I was gone for a four day wedding for a friend.  He was such a devoted husband that he insisted on attending my baby shower.  When I actually had the baby, he passed out, and four nurses surrounded him, asking if he was all right.  See, he was very, well-extremely good looking, and I had to remind the horny wenches that I was having a baby, damn it!  The truth is, while I could move on, I don't want to.  It took him four to five proposals to get me to agree to marry him and I TRULY loved him.  The fact that he's gone now is okay, I've made peace with it.  But I always hope that he has found peace somehow.  Either way, he's free from his addiction and free from pain. I move on with the wonderful memories that he's left me, and the fact that no one could ever take the place of the only person who could have talked me into an idea as ridiculous as marriage.  A promise for life, really, who know what life holds?  But wherever you are Sammy, I did love you.   There a few people that truly understand the beauty that can lie in tragedy, but I knew him in person. I was imperfect, but Sammy was a blessing and I am always grateful to have known, loved and married him.